What is there to live for?

What is there to live for? That is a question I often times ask myself when I feel the set back of my eating disorder. Those times when I cannot imagine living with ED for the rest of my life, when I am fed up and feeling broken.

What is there to live for?

Love- Love is worth living for. Feeling loved, giving love and showing love. Being open and honest not only with yourself but with others. Loving yourself, your body, your flaws, your mistakes, your family, friends, and partner. Love makes our hearts full and want to be a better version of ourselves. Love takes the broken pieces and puts them back together. It challenges us in a way we didn’t know possible. It pushes us to be more and go farther. It allows us to be vulnerable, open and honest.

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Family- I want nothing more than to be a mother one day to beautiful children. Living with ED destroys the future of a family. If I had continued restricting and not menstruating, this dream of mine would be taken away from me. The vision of a loving partner, with children running around in a home that we have created together keeps me pushing myself.

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What is there to live for?

Trying new food and enjoying every savory bite

Having a glass of wine at the end of a long day

Enjoying a piece of cake on your birthday

Laughing so hard that your belly hurts

Feeling the sun on your skin and the wind blowing in your hair

Allowing yourself to be touched and enjoying it

Running because you want to not because ED wants a certain number of calories burned

Sleeping in because it’s Saturday and you can

Ending the day with energy and not feeling as if you are going to faint

Being spontaneous and breaking your routine

Buying clothes and feeling beautiful in them

Saying yes when a friend asks you to do something

Creating memories with the people who matter most

Having the energy to stay up late

Feeling alive

Lately I have been making an effort to thank God for all that I am thankful for, what he has blessed me with, instead of asking him for something. It is amazing what has happened in the past few weeks since I have began to do this. I have never felt so blessed in my entire life than I have lately. Life is so worth living, without ED.

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